Writing Away

it's strange to watch my parents get older. my mom and her memory is just disintegrating. my dad is still pretty strong and healthy but his heart attack scared the living shit out of me. i have a plan in place for my dad if something happens to my mom, but i didn't even begin to imagine the vice versa. so now my plans have shifted and i have a plan in place for either or situations. being the oldest i guess it's just a natural instinct to care for your parents. my parents don't like to include us in their health issues. they don't tell me what's going on, i have to coax it out of them. i'm not a parent, but i'm sure it's their way of protecting us.  i don't like to see my parents struggle with things that use to come so easily to them.  i know that one day they won't be here and it scares me. i fear the day i get a horrible phone call. i call my mom and dad every single day. i talk to them daily even sometimes multiple times a day. i make my ...

good grief, i just scrolled thru some of my old blog post and most of them are ridiculous. some of them are confusing, and most of them are just sad. reading thru my post and im like "who is this person?" oh, that's me writing it. geez. what was i doing? what was i thinking? why did i write what i wrote? why did i even care about some of the things i decided to post. a lot of it is me just saying i haven't posted and trying to get my life together. why was i always writing about getting my life together? also i didn't realize that i wrote about my memory loss so long ago... 2019? soooo i guess my memory loss is real. i should actually start blogging more so i can remember everything and read back and again, ask myself, wtf was i doing? a lot of my post are pre-facebook and instagram so i guess this is how i use to communicate on the internet? probably. but for fuck-sake. i debated on deleting my old post, but what's the fun in that? seeing my progression (or m...

my birthday was a few days ago. i cant believe im old. i feel old, but thankfully i still look young. every now and then i remember i have a blog and decide to post something. i dont know who im posting this for. id be better off just keeping a journal. but here i am. wide eyed and bushy tailed at 1:30 am. my allergies are kickin right now. i got my nails done today and typing is a challenge. i dont know why i keep my nails up since they get in the way so much. but when i dont have my nails done, my fingers look naked. i think ive always been a night owl. but with life, youre forced to get into a routine and adult. adulting is hard. im still new to adulting. and most of the time, i dont feel like an adult. since i dont have kids, i just take care of myself. im responsible for just myself. working and pay bills is adulting, right? in my younger years i was social, outgoing and fun. now, i enjoy being antisocial and a homebody. im most happy at home. i do a lot of online shopping, but sh...

well.. when i wrote about covid in march, who knew we'd still be dealing with it at the end of 2020. i didn't think so... i didn't think id be having my birthday in a quarantine type of situation. i didn't think that i wouldn't be traveling at all this year. after a year of planning italy, it was cancelled and i spent my vacation in quarantine in Alabama in a condo while it rained the entire time. i thought id be going to Amsterdam for christmas. when my dog hurt himself in February, i didn't think his surgery would be delayed to who know when... i didn't think id have a drawer full of masks with matching mask chains and whatever else needed to make a mask work. it sure has limited how much make up i put on, everything above the nose. which is basically just my eyebrows.  we've reschedule italy, but i feel like we still wont make it in 2021. with the way things are going, things are still not going well for traveling. skis said the only way i can get to ...

What a turn our world has taken. The corona-virus has attacked so many of us now. It does not discriminate, young, older, healthy, unhealthy, it doesn't matter. This Virus is attacking everyone. I have been reading/watching the news and all of this is very scary and our future is uncertain at this point in time. We need to do our part and stop the spread. The only way we can do that is if we abide by the "stay at home" orders. For most of us, we will be working from home and/or staying home. All the kids are out of school, no socializing over groups of 10, and only leaving your house for essentials. I think by the time this is "over" the word "Essential" will bring on a whole new meaning. Washing our hands is more important than ever and distancing ourselves from everyone is the most important. I don't think we need to panic or hoard, but we do need to take this virus seriously and be conscious of our soundings and our cleanliness. Protect yourself...

What the hell? It's already March of 2020? What have I done with my life? NOTHING!? Actually, that's not completely true. I've worked. I go to work. My life is work. I joined my sister's book club. I got permanent fake eyelashes. I will never go back to my natural eyelashes, fake eyelashes will change your entire life! My dog is going through some health issues and I am very worried about him. I don't know what will happen, I don't know how much money we can afford on him, but his situation is not good. It's not bad, but it's not looking good. Right now, we are okay. Cooper is okay. We are resting and healing. Once we are in a place where his doctor feels is good, we will know where to move forward to. It is very difficult to keep a very active rambunctious French bulldog on bedrest for almost a month. My mom's birthday is this month, so is my father in-law's birthday! It's already been a very depressing few months for myself. I am trying to ...

It’s hilarious reading my old blogs. Especially the ones when I first started blogging. I was so needy and always looking for something. Writing about bettering myself, challenges and goals that I couldn’t keep or get to. I just want to slap my younger self and be like, it’s fine. You’re young, you won’t have it together. I had no idea what I was doing and honestly I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing now. Just because I’m older, doesn’t make me any wiser. Just more responsible-ish. My younger self was always looking for improvement. Of course I should always want to better myself, but my younger self, was being forced to be a better me. I thought if I could better myself then whatever I was searching for or seeking to get, would come back to me or think I’m finally good enough for whatever situation I was in. I wanted a better job so I could make more money and prove that I was good enough. If I went back to school I would be good enough. I wanted to prove that always good...