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Life in 2020

well.. when i wrote about covid in march, who knew we'd still be dealing with it at the end of 2020. i didn't think so... i didn't think id be having my birthday in a quarantine type of situation. i didn't think that i wouldn't be traveling at all this year. after a year of planning italy, it was cancelled and i spent my vacation in quarantine in Alabama in a condo while it rained the entire time. i thought id be going to Amsterdam for christmas. when my dog hurt himself in February, i didn't think his surgery would be delayed to who know when... i didn't think id have a drawer full of masks with matching mask chains and whatever else needed to make a mask work. it sure has limited how much make up i put on, everything above the nose. which is basically just my eyebrows. 

we've reschedule italy, but i feel like we still wont make it in 2021. with the way things are going, things are still not going well for traveling. skis said the only way i can get to Amsterdam is if I'm blood related, related to her significant other or if im her child. i probably have a better chance getting to Amsterdam if she claimed as her child. lol 

my grandpa died on monday. my last living grandparent has gone to heaven. my mom didn't go to the funeral. we had a zoom call type of funeral. it was strange. and i felt bad for my mom. but she didn't want to go. with her health issues right now i also don't think it's safe for her to travel. i cant imagine losing a parents. my parents are getting old. and im getting worried. they changed their will information to me. it was my aunt that was supposed to be in charge of their stuff... but they changed it to me. the house next to them went up for sale, i inquired about it, but it went super fast. gone in a matter of weeks. it really would have been the perfect set up. i would have been able to check up and keep an eye on them all the time. is that weird? 

most of the time i just want to run away from everything, run as fast as i can away from everything that scares me, when things get too hard, or just run away in general. i would prefer just to pretend like life isnt hard. 

with my memory loss its actually making running away from things a lot easier. i just cant remember anything. so in a way.... i am running away. i mean the doctor did say i was supposed to get all my memory functions back, but he didn't say how long it would take. guess its taking me longer. and who knows how much ive actually forgotten... because i cant remember! LOL... anyways. 

i took a break from school since my friend was in town from amsterdam, so ive gotten behind a little. i planned on not doing any school while she was here anyways... but now i've got to get back on the study train... doing the school thing i think has helped my memory functions. i think. 

i was talking to my husband a few weeks ago, when we found out everything going on with my mom... i need to see this thru and get it done quicker, sooner so she can see me finish this! so ive got more motivation.

i probably should blog more so i dont forget anything! 

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