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who am i writing to?

my birthday was a few days ago. i cant believe im old. i feel old, but thankfully i still look young. every now and then i remember i have a blog and decide to post something. i dont know who im posting this for. id be better off just keeping a journal. but here i am. wide eyed and bushy tailed at 1:30 am. my allergies are kickin right now. i got my nails done today and typing is a challenge. i dont know why i keep my nails up since they get in the way so much. but when i dont have my nails done, my fingers look naked. i think ive always been a night owl. but with life, youre forced to get into a routine and adult. adulting is hard. im still new to adulting. and most of the time, i dont feel like an adult. since i dont have kids, i just take care of myself. im responsible for just myself. working and pay bills is adulting, right? in my younger years i was social, outgoing and fun. now, i enjoy being antisocial and a homebody. im most happy at home. i do a lot of online shopping, but shopping has always been in my blood. if myself now, hung out with my younger self, the me now, wouldnt be able to keep up with my younger self. i actually dont know how i survived thru my younger years. i did a lot of stupid and irresponsible things. but most of the time i was just super drunk. thankfully in my old age and with my accident on my meds, my memory is fading, so its like it never happened... it doesnt count if i cant remember anything. my mom and i are going thru the same memory fading challenges, except my mom is in her 70's. the two of us together having a conversation is so confusing since neither one of us can remember anything. im enjoying my age. i dont mind getting older. my values in life have changed, being sober is nice, i cant say that i have my ducks in a row because i still run around with my head cut off half the time, but at least im smarter about it. which totally makes sense. i dont think anyone ever really knows what they are doing in life. you just get older and figure out life along the way. who knows what ill be doing 10 years from now. it wont matter, because i wont remember anything! i probably wont even remember i have a blog. so if you never see me blog again after this, just know, its because i have just completely forgotten. who am i even posting to?  

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