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not good news, but not bad news.

I put off returning to the Dr. as long as I could. I had to return because my Dr. wouldn't refill my medication till I came back in to see her. Fine. 

I was going out of town and needed to get my meds refilled so I didn't have a choice. I fasted, had to my blood taken and would return the next day to see where I stood. Not good. But also not bad. What the hell does that mean? I've lost a ton of weight. I'm eating healthier, I miss all my favorite foods. I live off fruits, vegetables and nuts during the week. On the weekends, I splurge a little. A taste of a dessert, a diet coke... those kinds of cheats. It's still nothing like I use to eat. I dream of eating all my favorite things again. I've relaxed on my working out. I would probably be losing more weight if I kept up with my work out. But I haven't. I visit the gym when I feel guilty for not going...  I've changed my after work routine. I make sure I do things around the house and instead of going straight to bed.

My levels moved slightly but not enough to for my Dr. to be thrilled. She actually upped my dosage of metformin. Urgh, fine. These pills are gigantic too. 

None of my clothes fit. Everything is too big for me. Even my foot size has changed. I don't think I can go much smaller in adult size or I'll have to go into kids sizes. Wouldn't be a bad thing since kids shoes are way cheaper.

I leave for Hawaii at the end of month and everything is so expensive! Buying a whole new wardrobe is going to cost me. BUT I'm still losing weight so I really don't know what to do. I got some new joggers for the plane ride for comfort. I've never worn tight clothing. The joggers fit, but I'm not confident in them. If I sized up, they are gigantic on me. It's annoying. I'm grateful the trend is oversized clothing. If I were younger, my clothing options would be on trend. I'm not a young adult and need to look put together. 

It's my birthday month. I'm not celebrating my birthday this year. It's my last year in my 30's. I've never had a problem with my age, but this year is different. It's depressing. I'm hiring kids that were born in the year that I graduated high school. I die every time I see a birthday from 2003. Shit. 

When I started this journey I told my mom I had to lose weight but I would never be SKINNY SKINNY ever again. Well.... maybe that's not true either. I can't imagine being at my old weight. I forgot what it's like to be skinny. I'm not mad about it. The person I am now, doesn't know what skinny is like. The skinny me was a completely different person. That person died a long time ago. Thankfully I have major memory issues and hopefully won't revert back to the old me since I CAN'T REMEMBER ANYTHING, so maybe that's okay. My past life is fading, my memories have faded drastically from my earlier life. I'd like to say it's just age, but I really shouldn't have this much memory loss at my age. I have a friend that remembers EVERYthing from our childhood, teen years, into our young adult life. I barely remember anything when she tells me stories. I guess I have her to keep reminding me of our wild and younger days. She will never forget. 

I don't know. We'll see how things keep progressing. I have to see my Dr. in Oct. She made me pre book an appointment, I don't have an excuse now. 

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