Writing Away

It’s hilarious reading my old blogs. Especially the ones when I first started blogging. I was so needy and always looking for something. Writing about bettering myself, challenges and goals that I couldn’t keep or get to. I just want to slap my younger self and be like, it’s fine. You’re young, you won’t have it together. I had no idea what I was doing and honestly I still don’t know what the fuck I’m doing now. Just because I’m older, doesn’t make me any wiser. Just more responsible-ish. My younger self was always looking for improvement. Of course I should always want to better myself, but my younger self, was being forced to be a better me. I thought if I could better myself then whatever I was searching for or seeking to get, would come back to me or think I’m finally good enough for whatever situation I was in. I wanted a better job so I could make more money and prove that I was good enough. If I went back to school I would be good enough. I wanted to prove that always good...

One of my oldest and dearest friends has recently come back into my life. As the title reads, we have been friends since we were 4 years old. Our birthdays are in the same months, we didn't go to the same schools ever, we love animals, we grew up in the church with the same beliefs, our parents were friends, I moved away when we started 7th grade, our lives both changed drastically once we were apart. My life in Longview/Hallsville was a long time ago. We went to church in Longview, my Dad worked in Longview, but we lived in a smaller town right outside Longview called Hallsville. I met my childhood friend at church. We have been friends ever since. Even with the long distance and losing touch here and there we always came back together at some point in our lives. I am so grateful to have this person in my life. Like I've mentioned in other blogs, I don't have a lot of friends, so the ones I do have, I am grateful to keep. She was in town this weekend and we got to catc...

These past 6 months have really been a challenge. My goal I wanted for work, didn't go as planned, so I ran off to Hawaii. My migraines are/were still not manageable, my jeep is/was having issues, and my staff at work has been unstable. What is wrong with the people these days? No one cares about their job or keeping a job, let alone just being grateful to have a job? I don't know. Another one bites the dust. Maybe it's a millennial thing. (I do not consider myself a millennial even though I'm technically on the very edge of being considered a millennial) I realized in the past couple of weeks as well, that my life is somewhat boring, and I'm completely okay with that. All at the same time my therapist left me and my best friend moved to Colorado, someone who I paid to be my friend, decided to retire and told me that I made so much progress that I didn't need be a therapist anymore. And then my best friend moving out of the state. Didn't make it any bett...