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Reassurance

Ive been going back and forth about my decision about school. Did i make the right move? did i mess up my chances on having a stabile career for myself? Should I have just stuck with what i know? Well, while talking to a friend of mine today he reassured me that it was okay to make the move I made. If im unhappy with my classes it will show in my attitude and my work. and he's right. its like when youre in an uphappy relationship or unsatisfied with a job. you dont want to see the person ur with because they dont make you happy or if its ur job then you dont feel the need to have to work hard. but he did make a good point. the type of work that im looking for wont be here in texas. :-( but i guess ill cross that bride when i get to it. for now, im at peace with the decision that ive made and im grateful for my friends advice that he gave me. do what makes me happy. you only get one chance at life!

My Anxiety and panic attacks have been getting worse. It's getting to the point where I dont sleep anymore. Sleep is a thing of the past for me. I hate going to sleep. normally i LOVE sleeping. if there was a job where i could get paid to sleep, i would have been the best candidate.. i use to be able to sleep for days! i could sleep on cue! "MARICEL GO TO SLEEP" "OKAY NO PROBLEM! ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz" When i do eventually force myself to sleep i wake up in a terrible panic! i cant breathe i have to get up and walk around just to make sure im still alive. (did i wake up dead?)  sometimes the panic feelings is so bad i want to call my mother just to hear a familiar voice... i dont know whats going. maybe its stress? a lack of sleep leads to anxiety? but i dont know where the panic feelings are coming from? my brain does not turn off. but at the same time, it feels so empty! im not sad, im not unhappy. I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP! its a cruel cycle! and i dont like it! ill eventually crash and burn and i know its going to be a big burn and im not looking forward to it.


Side Note:

Dearest Kitchen,
We now have to get along because I have to feed myself! This feud that you have with me is going to end! stop burning my food, over cooking my chicken and ruining my pots and pans! I need a decent meal. AND IM HUNGRY! The. End.
Sincerely
Maricel.

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