Skip to main content

Reassurance

Ive been going back and forth about my decision about school. Did i make the right move? did i mess up my chances on having a stabile career for myself? Should I have just stuck with what i know? Well, while talking to a friend of mine today he reassured me that it was okay to make the move I made. If im unhappy with my classes it will show in my attitude and my work. and he's right. its like when youre in an uphappy relationship or unsatisfied with a job. you dont want to see the person ur with because they dont make you happy or if its ur job then you dont feel the need to have to work hard. but he did make a good point. the type of work that im looking for wont be here in texas. :-( but i guess ill cross that bride when i get to it. for now, im at peace with the decision that ive made and im grateful for my friends advice that he gave me. do what makes me happy. you only get one chance at life!

My Anxiety and panic attacks have been getting worse. It's getting to the point where I dont sleep anymore. Sleep is a thing of the past for me. I hate going to sleep. normally i LOVE sleeping. if there was a job where i could get paid to sleep, i would have been the best candidate.. i use to be able to sleep for days! i could sleep on cue! "MARICEL GO TO SLEEP" "OKAY NO PROBLEM! ZZZZZzzzzzzzzz" When i do eventually force myself to sleep i wake up in a terrible panic! i cant breathe i have to get up and walk around just to make sure im still alive. (did i wake up dead?)  sometimes the panic feelings is so bad i want to call my mother just to hear a familiar voice... i dont know whats going. maybe its stress? a lack of sleep leads to anxiety? but i dont know where the panic feelings are coming from? my brain does not turn off. but at the same time, it feels so empty! im not sad, im not unhappy. I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP! its a cruel cycle! and i dont like it! ill eventually crash and burn and i know its going to be a big burn and im not looking forward to it.


Side Note:

Dearest Kitchen,
We now have to get along because I have to feed myself! This feud that you have with me is going to end! stop burning my food, over cooking my chicken and ruining my pots and pans! I need a decent meal. AND IM HUNGRY! The. End.
Sincerely
Maricel.

Popular posts from this blog

Cultivating relationships

Maintaining relationships demands effort; it's a mutual journey. Each party contributes, and amidst this exchange, bonds form—be it friendships or deeper connections. Some relationships necessitate more investment; sometimes, it feels like you're carrying the weight alone, striving to sustain the connection. Personally, I've struggled with nurturing friendships; perhaps due to youthful ignorance, where life felt boundless, consequences seemed distant, and self-centeredness prevailed. As age brings maturity, many friendships naturally drift away amid life's chaos and the challenges of adulthood. Reflecting on my past interactions often astonishes me; how did I manage any healthy relationships back then? Truthfully, I didn't. Those who I once considered friends, or who considered me as such, have vanished, leaving behind only fragmented memories—thanks, memory loss. Although forgetfulness might seem a blessing, the impressions we leave behind persist. This notion unne...
Read more
Made it into 2025 injury-free—well, mostly! 😆 Besides the usual aches and pains (and that one time I threw my back out, but we’re not counting that—that’s just seasoned wisdom kicking in). On the bright side, my diabetes is well under control! My latest doctor’s appointment went great—numbers are low, bloodwork looks good, and I just need to keep moving forward. Meanwhile, the hubby is down with the flu, so he’s quarantined in the bedroom while I’ve taken over the couch. Work has been hectic. We’ve been short a recruiter, which means more work on my plate. We finally hired someone new, but she’s still in training. She seems nice—quieter than the rest of us, but then again, our little group is a bit on the weird side. On the fun side, I got a new tattoo—matching with my bestie! 💉✨ And now, I’m seriously considering a septum piercing. Call it a midlife crisis if you want, but I say, why not do it while I still can? I haven’t spent much time at the barn this year. Then again, t...
Read more
I’m really struggling with watching my parents grow older. My mom’s memory has declined a lot, and walking has become difficult for her. She’s not active anymore—she mostly stays at home, only doing small chores around the house. She has very little motivation to do anything beyond that. My dad takes care of so much for her, and I try to keep her going by spending time with her, but our conversations feel so different now. As for my dad, his health is okay—not great, but manageable. I’ve mentioned before how hard it is to watch him face the physical limitations that come with age. He’s always been the kind of dad who could do it all—fix anything, carry anything, help with anything. He’s been my rock, always there to support me. I don’t think he ever imagined he’d still be helping his 40-year-old daughter with Jeep mods—but knowing him, I’m sure he secretly loves it. My dad and I are both facing new health challenges right now. I’m scared—but thankfully, mine isn’t life-threatening, as...
Read more