A Little Bit Stronger

I've been trying to blog for days, and I just keep starting over, or i sit and stare at the screen willing my fingers to type something. and then i remember this song. if i cant type it, then ill let someone else's song sing it. i don't want to go into deep details, i don't want to get sad or say something mean or something ill regret. its like grieving, it takes time. I'm just determined not let it take another 5 years to let myself let someone in. For once I wasnt the bad the person. I've come so far from where I started from. And for that, I can only be proud of myself.

i dont know why i like this song....

Cultivating relationships

Maintaining relationships demands effort; it's a mutual journey. Each party contributes, and amidst this exchange, bonds form—be it friendships or deeper connections. Some relationships necessitate more investment; sometimes, it feels like you're carrying the weight alone, striving to sustain the connection. Personally, I've struggled with nurturing friendships; perhaps due to youthful ignorance, where life felt boundless, consequences seemed distant, and self-centeredness prevailed. As age brings maturity, many friendships naturally drift away amid life's chaos and the challenges of adulthood. Reflecting on my past interactions often astonishes me; how did I manage any healthy relationships back then? Truthfully, I didn't. Those who I once considered friends, or who considered me as such, have vanished, leaving behind only fragmented memories—thanks, memory loss. Although forgetfulness might seem a blessing, the impressions we leave behind persist. This notion unne...

I'm being selfish

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions that I struggle to articulate. Attending the funeral of a childhood friend's father, who passed away unexpectedly, opened floodgates of nostalgia and sadness. We shared a bond through our mutual love for horseback riding, receiving our first ponies almost simultaneously. While we've drifted apart as adults, the news hit me hard. Our parents, similar in age and pursuits, faced the unimaginable loss of a husband, father, grandfather, brother, and friend. Witnessing my friend's grief and contemplating my own future in their shoes brought tears of empathy and fear. The inevitability of losing loved ones, a reality we often push aside, looms ominously. Reflecting on my relationship with my family, I realize how it's evolved over the years. From distant ties to a profound dependency, I now find solace and support in them daily. When my father suffered a heart attack, I was thrust into a surreal state of emotional numbness, only to cr...

Wow, it’s been a while since my last post in April! This year has been a whirlwind—it’s incredible how time flies. Big milestone: I turned 40! I still can’t believe it. I don’t feel 40, though; my mind says 20, but my body sometimes feels 70. 😅 I was lucky to celebrate with my family and closest friends, and my parents surprised me with my very first Louis Vuitton. She’s stunning! I also completed my MSF course, which means I can legally ride my motorcycle now! I recently took my Triumph Bonneville T120 on its first solo ride to work. It was nerve-wracking but exhilarating, and I’m hooked! My next dream bike is the Triumph Scrambler, so I can join my husband on some dirt road adventures. Unfortunately, I got hit with a really bad bug and was in bed for a week, which wiped out all my PTO for the year. This year marked our 10th wedding anniversary, and my parents gifted us a trip to Italy! With no more PTO left, we’ve had to push it to next year, but honestly, I feel good about having ...

Writing Away

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