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The closest feeling to floating is driving, really fast!

To clear my head and do some thinking, I like to drive to no where. Most of the time, I just drive around Dallas. Driving has always been therapeutic for me. I'm not sure why. Driving gives me total alone time. It's just me, my car and the open road. Its brings me peace of mind. I know its a waste of gas, but I only do it when I need to think and clear my head. When my friend Geo was in town we would go driving together and just talk or just sit and drive. I miss his company. And every time I go for a drive, I think of him and how he should be here with me. But he's not so for the past few years I've had to drive in complete isolation. If I'm upset and decide to go for a drive I end up speeding way over the speed limit. So I take a huge risk by driving when upset to clear my head.

When I drive, I can just totally think and not feel judged or like someone is watching me. I can totally let my emotions go. I can cry, laugh and just think in silence. I use to write my thoughts down, but then my parents went thru my entire journal and read everything so that outlet for me was violated. I also tried writing my thoughts out on paper and then burning it, but I would get too distracted by the fire and end up just burning things. But when I drive....It makes everything better, I roll the windows down, open the sunroof and drive! I know it's silly to think that driving is fixing my problems, but for a few moments of me time, I can get back to me and fix it in my head. Even though I have to come right back it whatever challenge I'm trying to face, driving to no where has always been my happy place.

Sometimes when I drive, I dont want to come back. I should just keep driving, not turn around, no look back, just go! Leave. Leave my life. And go...where?

Tonight when I was driving, I wasnt driving to think about anything, I was just on a mission to go no where. Where ever I decide to turn to is where I'll end up. Eventually I ended up back at home.

I drove past so many memories. Certain spots in the road where I nearly died because people cant drive, a restaurant where I  had lunch with an ex- boyfriend, a hotel where my friend had her birthday party at, a funeral home where I had to say goodbye to a friend, a hospital where my friend passed away at from a car wreck, the first hotel I stayed at when I came to dallas, my old work, the place where my car ran out of gas, the car dealership i went to with an ex- boyfriend...the list goes on. Funny how so much of my life is in Dallas. Whenever I see the big green building, it just reminds me that this is home. (I still dont know what that building is called, I just call it the green building)

It feels good to drive and know that this is where I belong. I'm safe here, for the most part. Although driving for me hasn't always been good. Most of the time my drives are due to me being sad about something or to run away from someone. I dont even understand my theory on my drives, but it works for me! My one true outlet for my to express and feel my emotions, alone, for no one else to see or hear but me.

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