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Who would have known!

It's almost been a month at my new job. And I sometimes feel like I still don't know enough. I mean dont get me wrong, I'm getting really good at invoices and whitelines! hahahaha.

On Sunday I had to work. And I spent the day with Charli. I had fun, well the work part wasnt so great, I mean who wants to be at work on a Sunday when it's a beautiful day outside and I'm stuck inside. Oh, well....Sundays are my re-program days. My down time, my me time, my day to let all my emotions that I keep so bottled up all week and just let let them finally take over. Well, I didnt get to do that last Sunday because I was with Charli. Now I'm all out of whack and off my game! My head hurts, and my feelings are everywhere. I mean I know its only Tuesday but, seriously! My head feels like its about to explode, my heart feels like it's about to jump out of my chest, and I can't breathe! All because I wasnt able to re-program on Sunday. Funning how one slight change in my routine can throw me all out of whack! Urgh! I'm on the verge of tears every other hour! It's really very annoying! I work so hard to keep these feelings surpressed, I know it's unhealthy and that's why I put Sunday aside to deal with it.

I watched PS I love You, not the best movie to watch when I'm having a difficult week. By this next Sunday I'm going to be a hot mess. But hopefully, I'll be able to make it thru the rest of the week without a break down. I havent had one in a long time.

I dont remember the last time I seriously laughed. I mean I laugh all the time, but I feel like an empty shell. If someone could walk thru my head, they would be shocked at how sad I really am inside, its a terrible thing. I don't want to be like this. I really dont! I've been working on it for years, I'm a strong person and I know better, but it's so hard to listen to your head when your heart is somewhere else. Not many people know this about me. (well I'm sure they do now, but I'm not really sure who all reads my blogs) It just goes to show, you never know what a person is really going thru!

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