...to my blackberry! it can't put the damn thing down! i want to so badly but i cant, if i do, then I'm for sure going to miss out on something, i don't know what id miss out on since its not going anywhere, but i know i would. what have i done?! the best decision in my life is becoming my obsession. is that a bad thing? at least its my blackberry....it could be food (which comes in a very close 2nd) jeans, shoes, purses, makeup, liquor, beer, men...the list could go on but i think you get my point...
I think I have a problem (other than my blackberry)....I am so torn up about a past relationship I haven't been able to move on from it. And this relationship ended badly, like I'm talking seriously bad. I don't know if it's something that Ive worked up in my head, but I cant get a grip on things and just let it go! I'm a very smart person, i know when I'm being rejected and I know how to stay away from being hurt. I can sense when things are going to go sour and I can run away...i can turn my feelings around at the drop of a hat...I know how to protect myself and my feelings. granite I'm not sure its a good thing that i can turn off and on so easily but i can. Ive done it in all kinds of relationship, friendship and even with my family. I'm not sure its a very good trite to have. but I have it and I'm a pro at it. in my right mind I know that this relationship is dead and gone, bury the hatchet, that person never wants me back, never will want me back and its never going to happen EVER! the only way it would happen is if there were some magical world, where money grew on trees, there was no such thing as std's, you could eat whatever you wanted and never gain a pound and meeting the love of your life would be easy, sadly there is nothing like that...so what the hell is my basic problem?! I have ran this relationship thru my head over a million times and I don't understand why im still so stuck on it....dont get me wrong, I've met some really awesome ppl since this relationship learned a lot, experienced things i never thought id ever have to experience, like dating someone and then come 2 months later they are married, but yet im still single...now that...doesnt make sense. now thats something to be hung up on....trust me, im curious and just for my own satisfaction i would love to know what the hell happened (i think i deserve to know) but eh, im not going to cry myself to sleep about it for years....no on the other hand...this one relationship i had...now that's something i can say that i have cried myself to sleep for years....YEARS! its getting old and I don't want it anymore! its like poison running thru my veins, i want to stop...but i honestly do not know what i can do...i dont know what to do to fix myself from this obsession over some stupid relationship i had...to try to cure myself of this, I have drank myself to being a 95% alcoholic, partied till i was so sick and almost dyin but youd still see me at the club tearin it up, smoked so many cigarettes i now have sinus problems, thrown myself into so many activities i couldnt tell you which way was up or down, dated numerous guys at one time, dated someone that i wasnt really into, dated someone that wasnt into me but i pursed it because i was determined to make it happen, ive stalked ppl, ive lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of weight (thank goodness im at a happy medium right now) dated guys with kids, dated guys in uniform, dated guys with a cool last name, dated my friends brothers, dated the guy that i was dating roommate, ive dated way older than myself, dated someone because i needed to eat dinner, and ive dated just to date for the hell of it. who does that?! hello! she's sitting right here in front of this computer blogging about it. urgh its sick. I'm sick... I am so determined now to get over this its not even funny, im not joking anymore. im serious. in the back of my mind, i thought maybe just maybe id somehow find myself back in this persons life....urgh im such a girl! (MARICEL ITS NEVER EVER GOING TO HAPPEN, plus i think its a sin to harp over something like this for so long...)
I dont even need this anymore! I have a fantastic job, I am making money, wait let me re phrase that, I have money coming out my ears, I have family and friends that love me for me, most of my friends put up with me, I'm fun, I'm energetic, I'm super cool, I do just about anything, I'll try new things, I'm funny, I think i have a pretty cute smile, my dimples (on my face) are to die for and will make you melt (oh ha, i didnt know i was creating my new online dating profile!!) lol.....I have everything going for me and Ive done it all by myself! It hasnt been an easy road, I've actually made it EXTRA hard for myself to get where I am now, but i'm here, It's good, I'm terrified of what my future holds, I'm scared to go around the bend in the road that they call life, but I'm here, I'm doing it, I'm taking that leap, I'm not looking back....I will be okay....someone day but for now, I'm learning to live with it, well actually I'm learning to live without it...and I'm determined this time. For reals! So unless you want to get run over, then i suggest you move, but I'm a roll baby! hahahahahaaaa!
I think I have a problem (other than my blackberry)....I am so torn up about a past relationship I haven't been able to move on from it. And this relationship ended badly, like I'm talking seriously bad. I don't know if it's something that Ive worked up in my head, but I cant get a grip on things and just let it go! I'm a very smart person, i know when I'm being rejected and I know how to stay away from being hurt. I can sense when things are going to go sour and I can run away...i can turn my feelings around at the drop of a hat...I know how to protect myself and my feelings. granite I'm not sure its a good thing that i can turn off and on so easily but i can. Ive done it in all kinds of relationship, friendship and even with my family. I'm not sure its a very good trite to have. but I have it and I'm a pro at it. in my right mind I know that this relationship is dead and gone, bury the hatchet, that person never wants me back, never will want me back and its never going to happen EVER! the only way it would happen is if there were some magical world, where money grew on trees, there was no such thing as std's, you could eat whatever you wanted and never gain a pound and meeting the love of your life would be easy, sadly there is nothing like that...so what the hell is my basic problem?! I have ran this relationship thru my head over a million times and I don't understand why im still so stuck on it....dont get me wrong, I've met some really awesome ppl since this relationship learned a lot, experienced things i never thought id ever have to experience, like dating someone and then come 2 months later they are married, but yet im still single...now that...doesnt make sense. now thats something to be hung up on....trust me, im curious and just for my own satisfaction i would love to know what the hell happened (i think i deserve to know) but eh, im not going to cry myself to sleep about it for years....no on the other hand...this one relationship i had...now that's something i can say that i have cried myself to sleep for years....YEARS! its getting old and I don't want it anymore! its like poison running thru my veins, i want to stop...but i honestly do not know what i can do...i dont know what to do to fix myself from this obsession over some stupid relationship i had...to try to cure myself of this, I have drank myself to being a 95% alcoholic, partied till i was so sick and almost dyin but youd still see me at the club tearin it up, smoked so many cigarettes i now have sinus problems, thrown myself into so many activities i couldnt tell you which way was up or down, dated numerous guys at one time, dated someone that i wasnt really into, dated someone that wasnt into me but i pursed it because i was determined to make it happen, ive stalked ppl, ive lost a lot of weight, gained a lot of weight (thank goodness im at a happy medium right now) dated guys with kids, dated guys in uniform, dated guys with a cool last name, dated my friends brothers, dated the guy that i was dating roommate, ive dated way older than myself, dated someone because i needed to eat dinner, and ive dated just to date for the hell of it. who does that?! hello! she's sitting right here in front of this computer blogging about it. urgh its sick. I'm sick... I am so determined now to get over this its not even funny, im not joking anymore. im serious. in the back of my mind, i thought maybe just maybe id somehow find myself back in this persons life....urgh im such a girl! (MARICEL ITS NEVER EVER GOING TO HAPPEN, plus i think its a sin to harp over something like this for so long...)
I dont even need this anymore! I have a fantastic job, I am making money, wait let me re phrase that, I have money coming out my ears, I have family and friends that love me for me, most of my friends put up with me, I'm fun, I'm energetic, I'm super cool, I do just about anything, I'll try new things, I'm funny, I think i have a pretty cute smile, my dimples (on my face) are to die for and will make you melt (oh ha, i didnt know i was creating my new online dating profile!!) lol.....I have everything going for me and Ive done it all by myself! It hasnt been an easy road, I've actually made it EXTRA hard for myself to get where I am now, but i'm here, It's good, I'm terrified of what my future holds, I'm scared to go around the bend in the road that they call life, but I'm here, I'm doing it, I'm taking that leap, I'm not looking back....I will be okay....someone day but for now, I'm learning to live with it, well actually I'm learning to live without it...and I'm determined this time. For reals! So unless you want to get run over, then i suggest you move, but I'm a roll baby! hahahahahaaaa!