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Days off

New to blogging. I've always thought these were just the nice way to say, Dairy or Journal w/out sounding completely girly. These are thoughts. My thoughts. Thoughts that i type out for the whole world to read.

 A few days ago i was going thru some old boxes of high school papers. Old note books, certificates, homework that was never turned in, other ppls homework that i copied off of, love notes, hate notes, secret notes.Well i came across an old binder that was specifically used for messages that were passed around from friend to friend. It's so funny going back and reading everything that we thought was so important back in the day. how selfish and simple we all were. we wrote about who liked who, what was going on the at the football games, what our plans for the weekend would be (which are so Innocent its not even funny) what cracked me up the most was how much my girlfriends and I talked about boys! I can't believe how many crushes we all had thru high school. what would we do if our crush found out we liked them, or we liked the same boy, what we would we do! it was just so horrible! ha ha ha, thats nothing.

 my group of girlfriend consisted of all the 'church' girls. the good girls. i was labeled a good girl up until my Jr year of high school. that's when i started to drift away and explore other other things. such as more boys, parties, driving around, smoking (what kind of smoking) S...E...X...., sneaking out in the middle of the night, staying at friends houses (wink wink). It was never anything REALLY bad, just innocent fun. but back then, man! did i think it was such a thrill!

 Now, I would do anything to have that simple easy life. My life is nothing what I thought it would be. I've got bills coming out my ears, I don't make near enough money to support the life that I have some how created for myself, I've burned bridges, lied, cheated, gotten fired, walked away from perfectly good relationship. I'm a train wreck of emotions, I don't let anyone near me! I've built this incredible solid wall that i don't even know how to break down if i needed to.

 So, now I'm on this huge mission to get my life right. Get back on track. Find myself and just get things in order. I want something that i cant have right now because I have to work on myself first. And I don't want to...I just want to go from step one to step 7 right away. But sadly, I know it doesn't work like that.

 Let's see how far I get before I give up. Maybe in the end I'll get what i really want. You want to know what it is that i really want!? Oh, but I'm not telling. I feel its like making a wish on a shooting star. If I tell you, then it won't come true. And trust me, I want my wish to come true! We'll see. And I'll blog along the way. It's not hard, and if you're smart enuf then I'm sure you'll figure it out.... kiss kiss darling.

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