Writing Away

This week has been a whirlwind of emotions that I struggle to articulate. Attending the funeral of a childhood friend's father, who passed away unexpectedly, opened floodgates of nostalgia and sadness. We shared a bond through our mutual love for horseback riding, receiving our first ponies almost simultaneously. While we've drifted apart as adults, the news hit me hard. Our parents, similar in age and pursuits, faced the unimaginable loss of a husband, father, grandfather, brother, and friend. Witnessing my friend's grief and contemplating my own future in their shoes brought tears of empathy and fear. The inevitability of losing loved ones, a reality we often push aside, looms ominously. Reflecting on my relationship with my family, I realize how it's evolved over the years. From distant ties to a profound dependency, I now find solace and support in them daily. When my father suffered a heart attack, I was thrust into a surreal state of emotional numbness, only to cr

Maintaining relationships demands effort; it's a mutual journey. Each party contributes, and amidst this exchange, bonds form—be it friendships or deeper connections. Some relationships necessitate more investment; sometimes, it feels like you're carrying the weight alone, striving to sustain the connection. Personally, I've struggled with nurturing friendships; perhaps due to youthful ignorance, where life felt boundless, consequences seemed distant, and self-centeredness prevailed. As age brings maturity, many friendships naturally drift away amid life's chaos and the challenges of adulthood. Reflecting on my past interactions often astonishes me; how did I manage any healthy relationships back then? Truthfully, I didn't. Those who I once considered friends, or who considered me as such, have vanished, leaving behind only fragmented memories—thanks, memory loss. Although forgetfulness might seem a blessing, the impressions we leave behind persist. This notion unne

Last year, the first week of January 2023, I face planted in a parking lot and just about broke my ankle. This is where my diabetes journey started. The trauma to my ankle was server but thankfully not broken, but it shouldn't have taken as long as it did to heal. By the beginning of March 2023 I was finally out of the boot and scooter. The 2nd week of March is when I was diagnosed with diabetes. So, a year later, I'm on the path to living with my diabetes and getting it under control. The weekly shots have played a significant role in my progress. I walked into this year, January 2024, VERY carefully. BUT, don't you worry, I'm not leaving this month unscathed. The first weekend of the month, I went to the barn, had my lesson, had a great ride with Buffy and I came home. I decided to lay down for a minute before starting my weekend reset. A short nap. This short nap turned into a 12 hour nap. I basically slept from Saturday afternoon, to Sunday afternoon. Some nap, I wa

Here I am, on the cusp of Christmas, another year rolling by. Lately, I've been on a mission to amp up my productivity. With my husband frequently away on travels, I find myself with ample alone time. And since lounging around isn't an option anymore, I've thrown myself into a whirlwind of activities. My newfound obsession? My jeep group. I've been hitting up Christmas parades left and right, and I've even dusted off my equestrian skills, diving back into hunter, jumper, and dressage training. Surprisingly, I haven't lost my touch—it's like riding a bike. Although, adulting on horseback is a whole different ballgame from my childhood days. Off-roading has also become a passion. Teaming up with a fellow jeep enthusiast I met at an event, we've been tearing up trails and putting our jeeps through their paces. It's amazing how much we click—we're practically soul sisters. Plus, our husbands share similar interests, adding an extra layer of camarader

I put off returning to the Dr. as long as I could. I had to return because my Dr. wouldn't refill my medication till I came back in to see her. Fine.  I was going out of town and needed to get my meds refilled so I didn't have a choice. I fasted, had to my blood taken and would return the next day to see where I stood. Not good. But also not bad. What the hell does that mean? I've lost a ton of weight. I'm eating healthier, I miss all my favorite foods. I live off fruits, vegetables and nuts during the week. On the weekends, I splurge a little. A taste of a dessert, a diet coke... those kinds of cheats. It's still nothing like I use to eat. I dream of eating all my favorite things again. I've relaxed on my working out. I would probably be losing more weight if I kept up with my work out. But I haven't. I visit the gym when I feel guilty for not going...  I've changed my after work routine. I make sure I do things around the house and instead of going str

Thursday, I had lab work done. Like usual, I went in and had my blood work done. Like normal, I went in, waited, sat in the chair and the nurse took my blood. Looking away from the needle so I don't pass out.  Five minutes later and all of my blood being sucked out of my body, I returned to my life. I don't usually get my results quickly, but this time I did. Getting older, my Dr. ordered more test done than I usually do. I didn't think it would be any different than the last time.  Unfortunately, I didn't get any good news from these results. Friday I spoke with my Dr. and I found out I have Type 2 Diabetes and my cholesterol is through the roof BAD. All over my reports it read and stated my obesity was the cause of most everything. I'm high risk for heart disease and heart attack. This is scary.  Obviously, I am not shocked, I got here all on my own. Food is my addiction. Food is my emotional safe place. Food fills my emotional ups and down, my void. It's a ba

 When you can't have everything, you have to have something.